Change Of URL + My Dirty Laundry

Guess what good people?

No, I haven't gotten laid.

I've moved my blog to a different platform, where you'll find all my dirty laundry from my younger blogging years. All my recent posts are there as well.

www.kenyahomo.wordpress.com

Enjoy.

Why I Don't Like Dating Apps

If you are fortunate to have a smartphone in 2015, and you just happen to be gay, then chances are that you've been well informed about dating apps, such as Grindr, Hornet, Jack'd, Scruff, Planet Romeo, and Tinder. There's probably a whole lot of others, but these ones seem to be the most popular.

I absolutely hate them.

I hate them because of the experiences I've had with them.

That someone decided to make a location/GPS based app where you compete against many others, on a thumbnail of a photo with a brief description of oneself, and pray to your God that someone messages you, is utterly genius, if not demeaning. A catalog of gay men to go through! Wow! It's like looking at a food menu. "This one contains nuts".

If it's not the unsolicited dick pics and aggressive men who catch feelings when you cite incompatibility with them on Grindr, it's the absolutely silent men who swipe right on Tinder, and don't reply to your hello message. What's the fucking point if you swiped right and you're not going to say hi? Cat got your tongue?

I have deleted Grindr three times this year, I am trying not to use it. Unfortunately, when I wake up hangover and horny, a semi-tipsy self downloads the stupid app in a futile attempt to get laid. I'm still running Tinder, but the outlooks on it are so bleak.

Fun fact: Tinder was designed for heterosexuals, but gay men and women have discovered that if you set the preference to show you same sex individuals, you will find people! It is more transparent than Grindr, based on Facebook profiles.

Be prepared for unsolicited dick photos on Grindr. I don't care how big it is, it's how you use the damn thing. The absolute worst sex of 2015 came recently (lol see what I did there), from a good looking (and very arrogant) anonymous user on Grindr.
He claimed he wasn't big. When I saw it for myself in person, it was an absolute lie. It was big. 20 minutes of bad, one style, awkward sex, I asked him to stop. I got showered, and I left. I have never heard from him again, nor do I want to hear from him again. In my black book (I have one. Every gay man should have one.), he will have a rating of 3/10. He is the reason I am going to stick to average sized ones.

The mug shots are just as bad. My photos used to be vague for anonymity's sake. It is absolutely strange (and to an extent, hilarious) when a friend of yours is making advances. I send my photo, and they go "Oh KH, ni wewe? (It's you?)", and they share theirs and discover it's that friend you meet at parties, who is also a bottom. You never discuss the encounter. Ever. At least I found out that they have game.

Oh, I almost forgot, Grindr at some point had a whole cache of blackmailers. Blackmailers are evil, evil, gay men and their straight cronies who lure victims to their houses, beat them, rob them, and in some cases even kill. Please be careful when using them, and always meet in a public place first, no matter how horny you are.

Perhaps I'll stick to the more traditional way of meeting guys, via introductions or at the club, where corny pick up lines are thrown at me.

The only good thing that came out of Tinder, was that I made a good friend. Grindr was good for getting laid. The very core goal of the app is to try and get men laid.

Bad sex is still sex lol.

Unable To Go With The Flow

It's the same damn cycle every time.

Usually on social media or dating apps such as Grindr.

They are usually very good looking.

We get talking. And boy oh boy don't we talk. A month, two months passes by, until an idea of meeting is floated.

We meet. I am trying not to get my expectations up. I mean, we're so in sync. You also listen to CHVRCHES? Fantastic!  The day, coffee house venue, and time are selected.

Date day appears.

They are late. Ten minutes. Twenty. Thirty. Forty...

I am writing a message that I am leaving in twenty minutes, I do not like waiting on people, or dates. I can only wait for a flight or a doctor. Or dinner.

They appear.

We talk and beat around the bush, but then I notice time is moving quickly. So I stock up the barrel, and shoot the question, "what are you looking for?"

"I am going with the flow, I don't know". 

I am disappointed. I have gotten out of something a few months ago that was entirely "going with the flow", and I got burned at the end of it.

Same scripts, different cast. I cannot do this. I walk to the noisy bus terminal feeling disappointed.

Later, we talk about it. I explain that I cannot do "going with the flow". The light that was building up in me has now turned off.

They mail me to say that they were not genuine about their answer. This alarms me even more. A younger me would have been happy, over the moon even. But integrity is important to me. If you can't be genuine with your feelings, how will I trust you? I declined their advance, asking to remain friends, as we have much in common.

A reply with many words about being disappointed in my answer, and following the sun or something, is displayed on my screen. I choose not to reply. It is marked as read, and archived.
I tell him on another platform that yes, I received it, but I didn't see the need to reply. How does one reply to a conclusion?

Later, he caught feelings and asked me I won't reconsider. I tell him the truth, the light in me vanished, and that I don't have the emotional capacity to pursue it any further. He is now upset, and not talking to me.

He needs time and space to get over it.

I will follow my heart, and my heart is saying no to this fellow.Yes, he is younger than me. Nairobi's small, gay society doesn't have much. One must scale downwards and shake (or rob) a cradle in attempt to find someone to date.

All my dating apps are now uninstalled, and I've no man to focus on at the moment. I am not looking for a new man, that process of getting to know them all over again is quite a tedious one.

Tedious indeed.

That I Will Stop Having titles Beginning with "That"

....Because it is limiting title generation.

Also, hello! It's been two months and some days, since last I wrote.

Blogging isn't especially difficult, I just haven't been particularly motived in recent times. The question of "when will you write again?" keeps popping up.

I will change that by resuming my blogging tendencies, even though not many (if any) individuals read my posts.

That I Don't Know Who Texts First

I remember dancing at a club when I met him. He was stood at the bar, holding his drinks, under the blue hue of the club's many strobe lights.

I thought "hey, he looks nice, I'll go and say hi".

So I did.

A little conversation was had with him during the course of the night, and eventually I got his number. (Ballsy!)

A few weeks later, after several conversations on whatsapp, we met. One could only hope that it wasn't "beer goggles" that got me his number. My girl friend said he looked cute, but then, she was high as well. His display photo looked...decent.

We met.

And I was quite smitten.

I have a thing for smokers who drink whisky. His mouth tasted utterly amazing.

I'm just wondering though, after the first date, who makes contact first, and after how long?

It's kinda nice to feel wanted though. 

That I Am Being Dated Remotely

Isn't the whole idea of dating someone to make them happy, and to be a duo that's supposed to go far together?

Evidently not. When they tell me that the reason for their absence and silence is that they are 'complicated' and that they 'have problems taking action', what does that even mean? 

I do not know how to date a person via WhatsApp.
My friends have decided that I am dating a phantom.

I agree with them.
 

That I Am Too Gay To Hang Out With

'The Kinsey scale, also called the Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale, attempts to describe a person's sexual experience or response at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual.' (The Kinsey Institute, 2011)

The scale describes me as 'exclusively homosexual', of which I've no doubt. It means I am very gay, that I only date men, that I only have sex with men, that I can tell the difference between teal and green, and so on.

It was no surprise when my request to hang out with a friend, who is on the down low, for a future event, was politely declined (in many words), as he would find it difficult to explain to his friends why a 'very gay' individual such as myself knows him, and has the audacity to greet him, and sit in the same area with him.

I wasn't even mad, I told him that I respected his view, and left it at that.

In my heart though, I felt sadness.

To be fair, you have to look at it from his perspective as well, being on the down low is rough, keeping up appearances and putting on acts, he can't really be yourself without the fear of everyone else finding out, and his life changing significantly as a result. He has constructed his life to what it is now, a successful young professional. He wouldn't dare risk throwing it all away because he was seeing hanging out with a gay guy who has a similar interest. People would ask questions, and that would be the beginning of the end of his carefully curated image. 

In my case, I felt sad because I can never really fit in some circles. It's not like I asked to be overwhelmingly gay, it's just incredibly difficult for me to hide aspects of myself. It's the little things like my waving of hands, or my voice's intonation... those are a right giveaway. I am not ashamed of myself, but I wish that other individuals could be more accommodating of such things. It's a bit hard fitting in heterosexual spaces. I don't know how to 'turn it down a notch'. 

I don't even feel like going for that event anymore. 

That Current Anti-Gay Rhetoric Is Old News

In response to this, this, and this. Other newspapers didn't seem as interested in the topic.

Kenyan politicians are talking about us gays again. It's the usual rhetoric, that Kenya is a Christian nation, moral values need to be upheld, it is 'un-African', protection of the family, and so on.

It has been the same headline for years.

When I heard the headline on Matatu FM, and read the paper shortly, I asked myself, 'defend Kenya from what?' Weave snatching queens? Burly bears? The sass of young gay teenagers? What does he mean?

Christian nation my ass. We have Muslims, Jews, Jains, Sikhs, Bohorans, Ismailys, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons... It would be nice if politicians would accept that there many religions in Kenya. All these religions have their say on homosexuality, but it would be good to stop generalising the country as being one religion.

It is very sad that people think same sex love is immoral. Something universal like love shouldn't be limited/restricted. Even animals have homosexuals in their societies. Holy Scriptures have been edited to make man the societal leader, whilst oppressing women by suggesting they should be submissive, and saying that homosexual love is immoral. There's a beautiful story about David and Jonathan in the Bible, that whilst most Christians interpret is a platonic friendship, keener minds would see it as an epic love of two men. It is possible to married and love another man, isn't it common place with men on the down low? Also, I feel it is ridiculous to claim that morals need to be upheld, when in fact society has other negative vices such as cheating & corruption, rape, domestic violence, human trafficking...

How on earth are homosexuals a threat to families, when in fact they come from a family? Homosexuals do not just magically appear out of thin air like genies, nor do they appear from the deepest realms of hell through volcanic fissures. Homosexuals are born, like any other human, from a woman's uterus, as a result of sex 9 months earlier. I am interested in knowing exactly how they are a threat. 
Fine, a few parents and family members might be upset when their child reveals to them that lo and behold, they are gay. I can tell you it is the gay person that needs protection FROM the family, because most of the family have these views that having a gay family member is an embarrassment to them, that it brings shame to the family, and that they need to stamp out the gay by beating the gay family member, taking them to church for 'gay therapy' and prayers, or just banning them/excluding them from the family all together.  Where do they go from there? There are many men and women who live in fear of their families finding out, because they were brought up to believe that being gay is an evil thing that brings doom to the family.
In reality, it is the family that is afraid. They are afraid of what other families will think of them, that they will be ridiculed, and looked at differently. You cannot say you are family when you are busy ostracising a gay family member. That is hypocrisy.
If it is being looked at from an approach of "destroying families", then heterosexuals (read straight people) are also as guilty. How many men and women who are straight and married cheat? Most of the time when the other spouse finds out, the family separates or gets into an epic fight; few are strong enough to reconcile and move on. They speak of gays coming to destroy families by 'stealing' husbands and wives. Get your shit together, your spouse is the one who discovers that he is in fact attracted to men, has discovered a gay scene because of apps like Grindr, and is the one who consciously made the decision to go and mingle with them. It is also his fault when he gets caught by his wife cavorting with his newly found partner. The newly found partner was probably lied to, and or pressured/cajoled into that extra marital affair, because they are either young and foolish, or equally old and on the down low.
Isn't it a similar situation if it were a heterosexual scenario, where the husband is found with a younger girl? How is it any different if he were found with a gay man? 
I applaud the few families that accept the gay family member as their own. Have their lives stopped? Did they die when a member came out to them? I feel the point on protection of families is irrelevant. 

We just want decriminalisation of homosexuality, so that we can have equal rights at work, at home, and in society. We are evicted from houses we work to pay rent for, because we are gay. We are denied healthcare services, because we are gay. We are fired from workplaces, because we are gay. When will it all stop? We are humans as well, who feel emotions just like any other heterosexual. We go to work and school like any other human. We pay our taxes, and contribute to the national economy, just like any other hard working human would. I also remember one of these politicians saying that gays need roads as well, hence the need for tax collection.

Then why is our existence illegal? 

That Time My Crush Was Online

I'm on my Facebook having a quick chat with a French friend.

And then I see him. He's online. At the very top of my list.

When I saw him for the first time a while back, my world fell quiet (this is a thing that happens to me often)
and I was smitten. SMITTEN!

Long story short a friend of mine is his friend, and he noticed I was being gigglish every time I saw him. He made me sit next to him so that we could have a chat.

Cat got my tongue.

And then he has a boyfriend!

That didn't stop me from adding him as a friend. My crush was intensifying.

I send a message!

"Seen".

What the ROYAL fuck! That "seen" vibe is the bane of mankind's social media existence. It makes you wanna crawl into a hole and die!

Okay not die, but just hold oneself in a foetal position and cry.

I kinda want to say hi again but he may not reply my message. I had sent him an article I read on the New Yorker, and he didn't comment. All I got was that stupid "seen" thing.

Also, this idea of imposing on someone when they clear feel jack for you doesn't work.

That Scent That Brings Back Memories

Scent: 

Definition of scent in English:
noun
1A distinctive smell, especially one that is pleasant:the scent of freshly cut hay 
(Oxford dictionary 2015)

It is true what they say about scent and memory. Recently at a party, some nice fellow wore a scent, a scent that reminded me of many happy times a few years ago. It's a scent that makes my nostrils flare. It's a scent that makes my neck hairs stand on end, a scent so amazing that I remain fascinated with the capabilities that particular perfumery manages to throw on to the market.

The very instant I recognised that smell, my world fell silent for a few seconds, nothing was audible. In a room full of loud music and people, I was transported back into a memory, one of my favourite memories.

I was standing in the street waiting for him, and it had just rained. The smell of fresh earth from the flower pots that are scattered across the city, combined with that rustic smell of concrete and metal from cars and buildings. The way that particular street glimmered in the evening sunset after the afternoon rain. In a sea of people rushing to go home, he was walking towards me. It all seemed kind of surreal, in some sort of slow motion. I feel that was the effect of love, it's ability to slow everything else down and make you focus on this one person.

As he inched closer towards me, the smell of rain slowly vanished, and was replaced with one of a spicy, if somewhat peppery wood. The closer he got, the more defined and present his scent was. It was new. It was exhilarating, it was wild, and it made every hair of mine stand on end. And when he hugged me, his own smell, combined with that particular scent he wore, made my slightly damp self (I'd been rained on) feel like the luckiest person on that street. In that moment, I didn't want to let go of him. 

Someone bumped into me, almost spilling both our drinks. I was back in the room of loud music and noisy people, back to the present.

Sigh.

That Hot Waiter In Westlands

He had a tight fitting white shirt, grey chinos, black pointed shoes and an air of authority.

He is really well built, muscular, with really big biceps.

He is eye candy at a seafood restaurant in Westlands.

My friend and I moved tables so that we could sneak glances at this sexy fine man. We have no shame in doing this. To appreciate his delectable looks, we had to move closer. There were a number of women who also kept requesting to seat in that area, but we got there first (HA, in your faces besh!). 

Women in that entire restaurant were also vibrating in their seats every time he passed by.

The best part? He knows that he is good looking. 

YAAAAAAS! 

How was the food? Absolutely delicious! Just like him.

That gay Kenyan blog (again)

Back to writing

"Maybe you should blog again."

No, I don't want to.

"Your old blog had an impact on Kenyans."

But....didn't they find other blogs to read?

"I miss your writing."

Damn it, you have my number, Whatsapp me!

This, and many other statements from concerned parties were part of the reason I've returned to blogging.

Look at that, my old blog's address vanished, and has been replaced with some Mandarin....thing.

The old blog went because it was revealed to the public. It went because it had embarrassing posts. It went, as a result of being in some sort of crisis of personality, usually associated with completing an undergraduate programme. It went, because our government was on some sort of spree, flexing its arms on alleged dissidents that spoke ill of it. At the same time, legislators were attempting to introduce some stupid anti-gay bill, that called for public stoning of homosexuals in Kenya. It had to go.

Also, I can't find other gay Kenyan's blogs. GNM, Gays of Nairobi et al, what happened?

The title of this blog

I didn't want to use the same old one. And to be quite honest, African American culture inspired its title. I took 'That Hoe Over There' and made it 'That Homo Over There', which still makes THOT as an acronym. Read its origin here.
Am I a THOT in it's traditional definition? Maybe. Is the title berating my sexuality? No. Look, I feel that being called a 'homo' needs to be lightened up a bit. I am attempting to lighten it up by titling this blog in what is in my view, a lighthearted way. I am not making sense, but along the way (pray this blog lasts) you might see my point. I will not be surprised if I see angry emails from LGBTQIA (that acronym is getting too long) people about the title. 

What will I write about?

Anything! I look at this blog as a way to express myself, through the words that I type. I know my friends will find this blog and know who the author is, based on how I write. It happened with my previous blog. That's just fine.

Is it that serious?

It is never that serious.