Why I Don't Like Dating Apps

If you are fortunate to have a smartphone in 2015, and you just happen to be gay, then chances are that you've been well informed about dating apps, such as Grindr, Hornet, Jack'd, Scruff, Planet Romeo, and Tinder. There's probably a whole lot of others, but these ones seem to be the most popular.

I absolutely hate them.

I hate them because of the experiences I've had with them.

That someone decided to make a location/GPS based app where you compete against many others, on a thumbnail of a photo with a brief description of oneself, and pray to your God that someone messages you, is utterly genius, if not demeaning. A catalog of gay men to go through! Wow! It's like looking at a food menu. "This one contains nuts".

If it's not the unsolicited dick pics and aggressive men who catch feelings when you cite incompatibility with them on Grindr, it's the absolutely silent men who swipe right on Tinder, and don't reply to your hello message. What's the fucking point if you swiped right and you're not going to say hi? Cat got your tongue?

I have deleted Grindr three times this year, I am trying not to use it. Unfortunately, when I wake up hangover and horny, a semi-tipsy self downloads the stupid app in a futile attempt to get laid. I'm still running Tinder, but the outlooks on it are so bleak.

Fun fact: Tinder was designed for heterosexuals, but gay men and women have discovered that if you set the preference to show you same sex individuals, you will find people! It is more transparent than Grindr, based on Facebook profiles.

Be prepared for unsolicited dick photos on Grindr. I don't care how big it is, it's how you use the damn thing. The absolute worst sex of 2015 came recently (lol see what I did there), from a good looking (and very arrogant) anonymous user on Grindr.
He claimed he wasn't big. When I saw it for myself in person, it was an absolute lie. It was big. 20 minutes of bad, one style, awkward sex, I asked him to stop. I got showered, and I left. I have never heard from him again, nor do I want to hear from him again. In my black book (I have one. Every gay man should have one.), he will have a rating of 3/10. He is the reason I am going to stick to average sized ones.

The mug shots are just as bad. My photos used to be vague for anonymity's sake. It is absolutely strange (and to an extent, hilarious) when a friend of yours is making advances. I send my photo, and they go "Oh KH, ni wewe? (It's you?)", and they share theirs and discover it's that friend you meet at parties, who is also a bottom. You never discuss the encounter. Ever. At least I found out that they have game.

Oh, I almost forgot, Grindr at some point had a whole cache of blackmailers. Blackmailers are evil, evil, gay men and their straight cronies who lure victims to their houses, beat them, rob them, and in some cases even kill. Please be careful when using them, and always meet in a public place first, no matter how horny you are.

Perhaps I'll stick to the more traditional way of meeting guys, via introductions or at the club, where corny pick up lines are thrown at me.

The only good thing that came out of Tinder, was that I made a good friend. Grindr was good for getting laid. The very core goal of the app is to try and get men laid.

Bad sex is still sex lol.